Today I always think of Shakespeare. I've seen that play in many forms, and the Fae always bring certain memories to me that I have trouble deciding whether they are real or memories of a different time/ place.

 

So tonight, when the channels are open and strong, try to commune with the Fae, the spirits, the life of nature.

Try to prove that they exist, even if you are only proving it to yourself. 

Beltane (May 1) marks the emergence of the God into manhood. It is the great fertility festival where we celebrate the marriage of the Goddess and the God and the consummation of their relationship. This festival celebrates the transformation of from maiden to mother through the mystery of sexuality. The Goddess's fertility is celebrated, usually with the May Pole and Beltane Eve is the perfect time for the Great Rite.

You just need to feel like someone is close to you when they are very far away.

I was so sad this past week about tommy leaving. So what did I do? I went back to my dad's, dug through the ex box and I found his old dog tag that he gave me almost 3 years ago.

It's the only thing of his that I still have. Even though I tried to destroy it, the last time we got together I mended it. Molded it back into shape, and put back on the chain.

It's right here around my neck. And I couldn't be happier about that.

I love being a part of his life, and he loves being my best friend. Well, he tries to be.

This isn't about sex or dating or stupidity. It's pure and simple love.

I love my Tommy, my Ninja. And I always will, and just having his dog tags around my neck makes me feel like he is a little less far away.

 

I am content again.

Last night as I was laying down to sleep. All of a sudden my thoughts were interrupted by a very special animal. It was my Aunt's totem.

For the past few months we've been emailing each other as much as we possibly can, considering we live on opposite side's of the world.
And when she can't email me, she does one better and actually will enter my dreams.

I was so frustrated last night, and once I get upset about one thing.... it all floods back to me. Anything that was bad, and sometimes it comes back 10x. Those nights are nigh unbearable, and there's very little that gets me through it. I either block it out or talk it through with one of my best friends. So that would be Erin, Troy, Luke, Tommy, or Auntie J. Troy was helping, but I was too tired to stay online any longer. Erin is half the reason I was frustrated, and Tommy and Luke are difficult to get ahold of.

So I had a nice conversation with Auntie J via our totems, and whatever was wrong with me last night disappeared. Sometimes she can make all the hurt, indecision, or just plain frustration leave me. I guess that's what psychiatrist are good for. Just a bonus that she's also a shaman, my best friend, and blood relation.

She is such a valuable person in my life. I can't wait to see her this summer.

I did not know what to write for this post. So it is random. It is my test post, and even though its only for testing purposes, I think I will keep it. Because I love it.

 

Muah!